Issue brought to coach supervision: I feel the weight of responsibility for the client, what they get (or don’t get) from our sessions and them reaching their goals.

I’ve noticed this as a recurring theme for a range of coaches (me included, earlier in my coaching practice and it still pops up briefly from time to time). 

When we contract with our client, we generally talk about it being an equal space, that we are not the experts, the client is responsible for their own learning, etc. 

And yet…. Coaches can conversely feel (consciously or not) that they have to ‘deliver the goods’ and so take responsibility for the outcomes of the coaching.  And not just the outcomes, but the feel of the sessions and whether the client fully engages or not. 

If we stand back and look at that objectively – just thinking about two (equal) people having a conversation, we can already see the flaw in that thinking.  How can you possibly control how someone reacts, responds or what they decide to do?  Can you do that in normal life outside of the coaching space?  Are you responsible for both sides of every conversation and every relationship?  Of course you aren't!

Image by M Iqbal on Pixabay

But why might we feel this responsibility weighing on us, even when we know logically that we don’t have sole responsibility?  

There can be a number of reasons behind this including confidence, expectation, our values, and beliefs.

For some external coaches when we explore this, it can be able being paid.  Being given money for coaching feels like it tips the balance towards providing a service and therefore being responsible for what the client takes from it. 

For internal coaches, we have uncovered themes of not wanting to ‘let anyone down’ – the client, the organisation, the trust they feel they have been given to coach other colleagues.

I can’t remember who wrote this, but I read this helpful description of where responsibility lies in coaching: 

The coach is 100% responsible for their part in the coaching and the client is 100% responsible for theirs. 

So we – the coach and the client – are both fully responsible for our parts, and therefore neither is responsible for those things that are only in control of the other.  For example, it’s not for the client to create the structure and be the coach, and it’s not for the coach to come with the goals and decide what actions to take.  There is a shared, and split responsibility, based on our specific roles.

We are responsible for ourselves as the coach, for the ethics and quality of coaching we provide and for co-creating a safe learning space with the client.  We are not responsible for the client's objectives or what they choose to do, or not do, as a result of our sessions together.  If we take responsibility for the client, what message could that give them? What power might it take away from them? What might it say about our belief in their being resourceful? 

It's important that we want our clients to achieve their goals and have a positive coaching experience – that’s part of being a good coach – and it’s also important to let go of responsibility for those things that are not ours to be responsible for.    

As we know in coaching, there are many lenses through which we can look at things. These are my lenses and the thoughts expressed are mine, based on my learning and experience as a coach and supervisor. If this topic resonates with you, I encourage you to take it to coach supervision to explore it some more.